Looking backwards and forwards

First of all, I've had one of those days where I must ask myself if I'm being the best parent to Laurel. Laurel is a really great kid, but sometimes I struggle to know how to reach her little heart. Maybe it's my heart that needs to be reached . . . I'm just not sure. Nonetheless, there are those moments when you come to the end of the day and you wonder if you disciplined your child appropriately. Was I too hard? Did I give her the benefit of the doubt? Sometimes I must remind myself that she's 4 1/2 and maybe, just maybe I'm expecting too much of her. It's difficult to know. As I've been pondering this tonight, I've looked through some of her baby pictures and I came across this picture of Laurel with her NICU nurse back in Mountain View, CA. It was the day before Thanksgiving in 2003 and we had MUCH to be thankful for that year. On this particular day, Laurel was discharged and this wonderful nurse just asked if she could hold Laurel one more time. I, of course, said yes. I watched as this nurse looked into Laurel's eyes and with tears in her eyes, she told me how lucky I was to have a daughter. She was never able to have a daughter and she had always wanted one. She then told me how much she had loved taking care of Laurel and how she would miss her. I knew she was not going through the motions of saying goodbye - she meant it.

So here I am, 4 1/2 years later and feeling overwhelmed with the nature of my job as a mom. I get frustrated - I get angry - I feel sadness - I wonder how I could do it better. I feel everything that I'm sure every mother or father has felt since the beginning of time up until the present. But this wonderful NICU nurse and the memory captured by this photo remind me that I have much to be grateful for. I have a daughter who is smart, sassy, darling, and so full of love. Yes, she's full of mischief at times, but more than anything, she is full of love and I am glad that I can feel that tonight.

Two things about Laurel today that just made me smile happened while filling out a "getting to know you" form for her summer day camp. Under favorite food, Laurel told me that she loves "big Germany hot dogs (Bratwurst), red cabbage, and bread". Clearly, she comes by it naturally and we couldn't be more proud! Secondly, according to Laurel, her favorite books are, "The book about Jesus" and "Fancy Nancy". I couldn't be more thrilled! Looking forward, tomorrow will be a better day . . .